Bertrand Russell...

almost made me spit out my Sprite Zero.

"If you take any true sentence in which the name 'George Washington" occurs, it will, as a rule, remain true if you substitute the phrase 'the first President of the United States.' There are exceptions to this rule. Before Washington's election, a man might say 'I hope George Washington will be the first President of the United States,' but he would not say 'I hope the first President of the United States will be the first President of the United States' unless he had an unusual passion for the law of identity."